hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
