I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
