There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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