i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
