Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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