Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
