eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
