its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
