Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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