I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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