This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
