Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
