I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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