Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
