Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
