in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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