i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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