The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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