I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
