Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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