my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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