Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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