What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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