Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
