just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
