we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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