Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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