She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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