i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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