Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
