On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
