If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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