I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
