it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
