I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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