do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
