3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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