it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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