you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
