Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
