Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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