your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
