I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
