Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
