Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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