There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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