Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize