how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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