I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
