ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
