woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
