I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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