Moan for me like Helen Keller
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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