its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
