I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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