apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
