Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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