No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
