well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
