I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
