I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
