i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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