Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
