census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
