she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
