fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
