I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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