that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
