As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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