My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
