What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
