You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Come share oat with me in your robe
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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