left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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