The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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