dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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