Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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