I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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